6 Months After The Hysterectomy

Today marks 6 months since my hysterectomy; 6 months of healing and recovery, give or take as I've been back to full-time work for 4 months. I'm quite bloated today. This was taken just after breakfast. It's not always this bad anymore but welcome to my life of never knowing what size I'll be any given moment!

So without further adieu, here is a list of what's been going well and what's been going wrong.

Well:

- No periods EVER AGAIN!

- Surgery bloat is mostly gone

- Most of the incision pain is gone or low, other than the bigger bell-button one. That one still hurts nearly all the time.

- Hormone pills seeming to work with my body alright, although I may switch it up in about a month to see if something works better (Norethindrone since May 2025)

- Seeming to stay out of "menopause" symptoms, noticing some that may be peri-menopause but that lines up with being 37 anyway

- Less pain generally in my abdomen when I don't overdo standing for long periods of time (pelvic floor pain creeps in FAST if I am just standing somewhere)

Wrong:

- Endo-bloating after meals is still very bad the majority of the time

- Constipation about half the week (in general)

- Some indigestion/acid reflux without eating food triggers - related or not, idk

- Heavy fatigue even after 9 hours of sleep

- Persistent left shoulder pain that could be connected to endo nerve damage (this is proven to be the case in some people with endo; it's been happening for a long while and was hoping it'd be better after surgery)

Now if you look at the 2 lists, they're nearly the same length. Living day to day, not much has changed since either surgery, other than my organs are functioning properly(ish) again. I know it sounds ridiculous... like, "that's it, my organs are working right again," and I understand that is HUGE medically but from a symptomatic standpoint, almost nothing has changed in my daily life. I was hoping for more energy, less indigestion, less endobelly, less fatigue... I've seen none of those things change for me and that's been really upsetting. 

I have to remember that underneath the surface of my skin, I had two massive surgeries last year to correct some really huge problems. But how long do I have to wait to get close to feeling like everyone else?? Will I ever feel like everyone else? Probably not, but damn, can't a girl get closer??

I'm so sick of waiting around to feel even just ok. I want so badly to feel like I can go for a walk whenever I want instead of waiting for the day I feel like I have a smidgen of energy to do so in between the streams and sessions. Working a 6 hours day exhausts me. I feel like I can't do anything else without a crazy amount of caffeine. That's not normal and I know it's not. I'd love to feel human again and I just don't. I can't think my way out of it. Releasing my own music has been really cathartic in that way but it's just a band-aid - a neon synthpop bandage.

I know how this whole thing sounds. I've been accused of being "negative" on social media before but this is my reality. I can't fake my way out of the symptoms I am showing. I can't 'anti-depressant' my way out of this - trust me, I've tried and it's what caused my frozen pelvis in 2024 leading to surgeries in 2025. I just have to 'hold on for one more day' and hope that with every month I start to feel a little better. And I suppose that's been somewhat true but I feel like the last 3 months have plateaued. That's where my frustration sets in.

Not to mention I have a cyst they are watching. It's small and simple but it showed up in my 4-month post-up ultrasounds, to which they responded by scheduling another ultrasound 3 months later. That's next month on May 8. I'm not in any extra pain that would usually be caused by a cyst so I'm not terribly concerned that there's been any growth. I've had many cysts; they all burst and that's just how it goes. I've only ever had one that didn't shrink or burst on its own and that one did require surgery in 2013. I'm just really hoping the hormones I am on keep it at bay. I'm hoping to not need surgery for a good long while but if it grows to unsafe measures, they'd need to operate.

All in all, I have to keep telling myself, "Healing is not linear," and then breathe and say it again. Healing is not linear whether it's physically or emotionally.

Healing is not linear. Healing is not linear. Healing is not linear.

If I say it enough times, will I believe it?

E